forsaken
by lotus head
Summary: Ryou centric, tendershipping. Religion fic. [His sins are heavy.] WARNINGS INSIDE.


**DISCLAMER **I do NOT own YGO. And I most certainly do not own the bible.

**WARNINGS **mentions of suicide, mild yaoi, dark themes. If you are very sensitive about religion, please don't read this! Some people may find this offensive, but I don't mean to insult anyone, whatever you believe in. Please be open-minded. I don't intend this as against Catholicism, Christianity, or God.

**forsaken**

**---**

_**Ave María, grátia plena, Dóminus tecum. Benedícta tu in muliéribus, et benedíctus fructus ventris tui, Jesus.**_

_**Sancta María, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatóribus, nunc et in hora mortis nostræ. Amen.**_

---

He prays as often as he can. When the voice speaks to him, it tells him _this is ridiculous _and _there is no way to get rid of me! I will be with you forever I am a part of you I know you like this power---_

He chants and grasps his rosary. The figure of Mary looks down on him as he kneels before her on the red carpet. It's plush below his knees, and she is looking down on him with such a patronizing look that he wants to cry.

The image of tears of blood running down her cheek overlaps over the reality in his mind, and a tear trickles down his own cheek, past eyelashes made wet with moisture.

A figure appears in front of him.

He stares past it, unblinkingly, gazing past the semi-translucent copy. The other boy laughs; a harsh, vicious bark that speaks of madness, and moves forward to drape himself over the boy, his hand clutching at the rosary.

It is a mock of an embrace, a jumble of see through limbs hanging over limp and solid shoulders.

His tears trickle twice as fast, and he doesn't make a noise.

-

You are forsaken.

_I know I am. There's nothing worth saving here anymore, you made sure of that, didn't you? That's why I have no friends, that's why Father never comes home. They all know I'm beyond redemption. It's pointless to try. I already know._

You are unholy.

_Am I? _

Blasphemer.

_Why? Because I still pray to God? _

Of course. Do you think he'd want you?

…_yes._

Fool. Don't you know I'm the only one who could ever need you?

…_who are you?_

-

**(sorrow for sin) agony in the garden**

_The power of flesh is weak, he knows._

_Ghostly touches trail under his shirt. The face is looming, smirking inches above him. He gasps out pleas, for this to stop, for this to continue, for God to come and save him. The touches trail lower, lower, and he arches his back and cries out in pleasure. _

"_Your will be done" and the spirit bites his lip and draws blood._

_He doesn't want this, he knows, but his body won't listen to him. He can only submit and pray this doesn't curse his soul for all of eternity. He doubts his soul hasn't already been cursed for all of eternity, though, so it feels defeating. (but it feels so good-)_

Why does your God let this happen to you, then?

_I don't know._

-

**(purity) scourging at the pillar**

_He wishes he wasn't like this._

_He remembers times when he was happy. Now, it took so much to make him happy, so much to make him laugh, so much to give a real smile. _

_Everything has changed since then. _

_He hates being different. He hates remembering how he was before he was different. And he hates hating, because he never hated seriously before._

_He knows he's impure. When he washes his hands of blood but he still can't make himself clean, he feels so dirty. He sees the dolls, their faces twisted in a suffering he can't imagine, and he feels the taint on his soul._

_Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?_

-

**(courage) crowning with thorns**

_He can't remember many times he actually stood up to his spirit. Every time, he was scared witless, and each time he regretted it._

_He wishes he could be more like Yugi. He's never afraid to stand up for what he believes in, even if his life is in danger._

_He remembers so many times he could have said something. If he told someone, just a single word, a cry for help, how would things be different? Would he be rid of the spirit? _

He knows he would never go through with it, though. He is too afraid to be alone, and the spirit is the only one who hasn't left him. If his spirit left him, would anyone else want him? He's too unsure.

-

**(patience) carrying of the cross**

Sins are heavy.

_To continue hurts. He knows how easy it would be, to end it all. A quick slit to the wrist, stones in a sack, a bottle of pills. _

He tries and tries to carry on. The sins are weighing him down, until he vomits after every meal with the memories playing before his eyes.

He trusts in God; let God deliver him now!

_He tries to tell his spirit God will even save thieves, and his spirit scoffs. _

_There is something else in the clear blood-red eyes, but it fades before it can be placed. _

-

**(perseverance) crucifixion**

_He tries to block it out, but when the spirit wants to be heard he will be. He claims there is no God._

_He claps his hands to his ears._

_I want to believe in something, I want to believe in something, I want to believe in something---_

"Believe in me."

_His mind blanks. And he knows; this is real. This is right in front of him; he can see it, he can touch it, he can taste it._

_And there is nothing he believes in more._

-

_Amen, and it was._

* * *

Located somewhere in this one-shot thing, is the Hail Mary prayer in Latin, bible quotes, bible quotes in Latin, the Sorrowful Mysteries, and… yeah! That's, like, it. If you want to know, Amen is Hebrew for, more or less, 'let it be'. Heh, now I want to listen to the Beatles… XD

If you want me to explain of these things to you or point them out to you, feel free to ask! I don't mind. It's my fault for making it confusing. XDXDXD

If I got anything wrong, lemme know, please! I don't want to insult anyone.

Review pleaaaaaase… and I shall love you forever!


End file.
